Hi everyone, my ATAR English exam is coming up next week and for section 2 we are expected to compose a short narrative or a persuasive text based on one of the prompts provided. I have attached a practice narrative response to a prompt below and if any of you wouldn't mind I would love to be provided with some feedback on what you all think. Please let me know thank you!!!
**** Warning:****
- Elements of abuse are seen in this narrative.
- If anyone has trauma from childbirth I would also be wary when reading this short story.
- I do not want to cause any of you pain or hurt whilst reading this narrative.
- Reader discretion is advised.
Prompt: Compose a narrative where the quote, ‘I may not be there yet, but I was closer than I was yesterday,' is included at the beginning.
‘I may not be there yet, but I was closer than I was yesterday.’
I’m getting closer to delivering the baby. I feel a chill in my blood as my first contraction begins. The coldness brings the synapses of my brain to a standstill. My short sharp breaths are no match for the stabbing pain in my abdomen. However, the beam of sunlight is. It reassuringly squeezes my hand, attempting to transfer the pain from me. I look over to this beacon of light and all I see is my best friend, Linda.
She’s the reason why my shrieks currently echo throughout this hospital room.
The nurse begins to slowly stab my back with needles as the light above disperses. I’m currently facing Eric and Linda who are embracing one another. Happiness encapsulates them like a blanket. It is infectious as I can’t stop the smile that creeps upon my face. They were finally happy. Infertility was a burden they had been carrying on their backs for years. Health complications piling up on one after the other and the struggle for them to conceive was unbearable. My heart couldn’t handle the internal bruises Linda’s cries committed. So, I decided to endure part of this agonising weight. Their dreams were finally becoming reality. They were going to have a baby.
And I was delivering it.
The doctor tells me they were going to begin the epidural. Darkness begins to hover around me. The figures surrounding me turn splotchy as I let myself slip into the darkness.
I feel a stinging sensation build upon my face.
I look into the mirror and my hand cups the spreading of yellowish purple patches forming on my cheek.
I’ve travelled to the same day my brain attempted to edit out multiple times.
It was the 3rd of December, the 8th month of my pregnancy.
Tom is looking down at me. No remorse. No regret. Just a furious look of anger built in his eyes with his rage ready to swing another punch.
‘Stop!’ I scream, tears glistening through the brim of my eyes, ‘you’ll hurt the baby!’
‘The baby?’ He scoffs, ‘that’s all you seem to care about these days. You no longer care for us.’
He had crossed the line. I was doing this for my best friend. I know things had been rough with my hormonal outbursts, continuous doctors’ appointments, and sicknesses but how were we meant to begin a family of our own if he couldn’t support me throughout the most difficult time of my life?
‘ You know why I’m doing this Thomas. You were there when Linda and Eric received the results. How could you say these things without considering their situation?’ I say sternly.
‘CONSIDER THEM?’ He screams. ‘YOU DIDN’T CONSIDER ME WHILST MAKING THIS DECISION! YOU’VE COMMITTED BETRAYAL. HOW COULD YOU CARRY THEIR CHILD BUT NOT MINE?’ He starts yelling and throwing items across the floor.
Danger signs started glowing red in front of me. I knew at that moment I had to leave.
His screeching was the last I ever heard of him.
‘ 3, 2, 1, push!’ the nurse says. Her voice is distant yet not far.
I don’t see her face. Instead, I’m met with two other figures. The two people who are the cause of my existence.
My parents.
Their faces are lined with wrinkles, frowning with disapproval.
I has just announced my pregnancy to them.
‘Honey,’ my mum sighs, ‘you shouldn’t have made this decision so recklessly.’
‘How could you say that mum? I’ve been planning and pondering over this for months and you were there with me!’ I tell her.
‘ Yes but…you should have told us that were actually going through with it. What would Tom think?’ my father says.
‘He said he supports me no matter what. This is for Linda,’ I soothingly say, ‘you know how much she has suffered. It’s the least I can do for her.’
‘Sweetie I don’t think this is natural. It seems immoral to go against nature. Are you sure you want to go through with it? You should stop while you can.’
Her words impaled my gut like a knife slicing straight through a piece of fresh meat. Her words made me doubt my decisions. Her words made me consider ending the pregnancy right then and there.
But then I remembered who I was doing this for. The one who made me laugh a little harder, smile a little stronger and cry a little less.
My sister in another life.
I smiled thinking about how grateful I was to find this four-leaf clover of a best friend but I was met with another disappointed look from my parents.
That day was a tough pill to swallow.
Flashing lights.
A small beam of light shining right into my eye.
‘She’s fine everyone,’ The doctor states.
The beckoning silence was filled with sighs of relief.
I look down at myself. My belly was huge, purple, and covered in stretchmarks.
I thought to myself, is this normal? Am I normal? Was this the right choice?
‘The baby’s here!’ a nurse joyously screams. A collective inhale was shared by the room as we waited in silence.
A newborns cries fill the room and the rest of the room sheds tears along with it.
‘It’s a boy!’ they tell me.
He’s alive. He’s breathing.
‘Congratulations!’ They tell me. ‘You did it.’
Excitement fills the air.
The hours of pain disappear in a heartbeat.
I gave birth.
It’s brand-new start.
It’s an angel from above
It’s a sacred gift from the Gods.
It’s reason to rejoice.
Linda is holding the baby, tears streaming down her cheeks. She is happy. Eric is happy.
‘You don’t know how much this means to me. Thank you,’ she cries while her gentle limbs caress her child.
I think about how I broke up with Tom for this child.
I don’t feel sad.
I think about how my parents hated the idea of me carrying another person’s child.
I don’t feel upset.
I look down at my body and admire the amazing feat it had completed.
The journey may have been difficult but the gift was most rewarding.
As I held the tiny life in my arms, I realized how much of a blessing it truly was. Despite all the challenges and negativity, I had faced, I had helped bring a beautiful new life into the world, and that was something to be proud of.
It was all worth it.
