For year 11, I decided to do the following classes:
Physics, Music, Methods (3/4), English Language and VET Engineering (II)
Background:
I want to do software development, or anything with astrophysics when I graduate, and I want to get the highest (reasonable) marks. (min 85)
I chose VET because my school stopped offering systems engineering, so I thought VET engineering would be good. when I had my first class, I hated it. I was offered to drop it before a certain date, but for some reason (weather stress or sleep deprivation), I didn't decide to leave it in time before it would remain on my vacation record and when it was paid for. I don't want to be an engineer or do the kind of physical things you do in that class. however, everyone (parents and school) said "it would be good", and "you would learn good skills", but nothing for what I want to do. The next mistake I made was choosing music. I play the guitar, but I hated the class and subject (I have no idea why I chose it), so when the semester finished I dropped it.
for the next semester, I picked up media and applied computing. I have no idea why I didn't choose applied computing to begin with because I want to get into the field of it. I think I decided against it because my friends hated it. (it's a bit of an excuse, but my opinions and views tend to shift to match my friends, even when it isn't what I truly believe.)
before I submitted my selections for media, I was constantly telling my parents how it was a bad idea. I knew I would hate the folio work, but my parents essentially wouldn't listen because they had enough of my indecisiveness from semester 1. Essentially, from this point on, if you are asking why I didn't bring anything up with my parents, it was because I thought it was pointless. also for the record, my parents are good people. they aren't abusive, and they are generally supportive. most of my problems stem from my autism and ADHD. I struggle to understand emotions, and thus whether or not I truly enjoy something. that was a big issue for me in semester 1, however, I learned a lot from it. however, I often struggle to communicate my thoughts to people, and initiate conversation, as if it needs to go a very specific way for me to relay all of my information. (just to get a perspective, imagine someone talking to you, but they get angry for no apparent reason because you didn't reply with the right thing. if I were my parents, I would be the same)
so before subject selections, I tried bringing up things that I hated about media, and why I didn't want to do it, and they didn't want to have a discussion about it for the above reasons. they convinced me (against my better judgment) to do it, and I did it. I forgot why I hated it, and was just relieved that I didn't have to worry about it anymore.
anyway, Once I started media, the anxiety was real. it was a new class to me, and I got overwhelmed quickly. if you can't tell already, I'm an overthinker, and when I realized how broad my first and each assignment was, I got overwhelmed with it all, and I didn't know how to handle it. this was also at a time when I was struggling to deal with the regret of my first semester after I remembered why I didn't want to do it, and the frustration that my parents didn't spend the time to listen to me. I ended up essentially shutting down mentally for 4 weeks before I dropped it after 6 weeks of doing the class. I was able to drop it for year 12 because my doctor advised the school that I was under too much stress to continue it in year 12.
For the record, I don't regret dropping Media, or music. I do regret dropping music now because it would've been another class for me to do to contribute to my atar. but hindsight 20/20.
but now I have a problem:
I'm doing methods 3/4 this year, (one of the five)
but next year I'm doing Physics, English, and Soft Dev 3/4.
I need to do one more class. the only class that the school and my parents (they are only open to it because the school brought it up as an option) agree on is general, which I partially agree with. I would ace it, and get an okay score. one problem. It's boring as shit, and ill essentially have 2 sets of free periods (1 for the empty class, and another because I'm not doing sport) and 1 set of nap periods. I'm already bored out of my mind from 2 sets of free periods.
i can't do any other class though. I wanted to do a specialist, and I brought it up with my parents for year 11 subject selections, but they weren't open to the idea. what crushes my soul to such a high degree is that my methods tutor said I could easily do specialists, with a tutor of course. I would have to spend the summer holidays studying, which I am open to because I love maths. but my family spends the entire summer holidays camping at a caravan park next to the beach, and essentially guilt trips me into going to the beach from 12 am to 6 pm, and to hang out and enjoy the park till noon because it only comes once a year during the holidays. well, it's exhausting, and it's not the right environment to study specialists to prepare for year 12.
however, there isn't any other option other than those two. term 4 is starting, and so I'll have missed out on a lot of other classes. it essentially has to be general or spesh (or something so easy that it requires no effort). but since I can't to spesh, I'm stuck with general and a shit year 12.
On the bright side, my parents did get the specialist's suggestion from my tutor, so they may be more open to it. however, there is no way I can change going to the caravan park during the summer holidays, and my family won't take any advice or conversation regarding my education anymore so what is the point?
I just feel so regretful and anxious about how I went from a student with good grades and a positive attitude, doing 6 subjects, to an emotional wreck, and I'm so hopeless because no one, not even my parents is open to discussion about my education. it is so depressing and frustrating for me.
to get to the point, I want to salvage what I've got right now, and I need some advice on classes I could take, things I can do, advice to give to my parents so they can understand my struggle, advice to manage my mental health, and possibly some reassurance. I'm open to anything, and I'm desperate to find a solution. I'm so disorganized, and I don't have a plan.
I just need desperate help.
I apologize for how long this is. there is so much that I want and need to say, so I've generalized it in a few places. if things are unclear I'm happy to answer questions or clarify.
