Already burnt-out from VCE '23

Girlnumber3

Hi, I apologise in advance for the language and messiness of this post. I also discuss brief themes regarding mental health.

I'm a year 11 student struggling to get through my first semester of VCE. For context, I attend a virtual school due to mental health matters. I've been on medication for approximately 2 years and visit a psychologist frequently. My parents are extremely supportive and just want me to do my best.

Lately, I feel tired easily and I'm struggling to make it through the day. I'm having difficulty focusing and I'm very slow when completing work. I average about one paragraph per hour and it doesn't help that I'm a perfectionist. Each day that passes, I'm further behind than I was the day before. It feels like I'm trying to dig my way out of quicksand. I feel like a fucking failure because I have nothing else to do, but schoolwork. I don't have any friends, hobbies or responsibilities distracting me. Why can't I do the bare minimum for school? Also, I have no idea what I'm going to do after school. I want to attend university because academics are my only option. I'm not skilled with my hands and I'm not very creative. I'm unsure if it's me or my depression. I think I'm trying to hide behind my depression to refuse accountability. Maybe I don't even have mental health issues and I just made them up to excuse my laziness. I don't know and now I'm spiralling, sorry. Anyway, I've reached out to my teachers but every time I say "I'll do better, I promise!", I miss classes and fall further behind. I'm pretty sure they roll their eyes when my name appears in their email. Like, "What'll it be this time" and I don't blame them. I care a lot about what others think of me and I feel sad knowing that my teachers probably think of me as lazy. I want to crawl under a rock and live there forever. Also, I don't have any goals apart from receiving a 70+ ATAR which I thought was achievable, but now I'm lucky if I make it out alive. I don't think I'm suicidal btw.

If anyone is still reading this and didn't exit the hallway through, thank you because god knows I would've. Also, sorry if this post comes across as entitled. I don't have a difficult life; I have my healthcare needs met, access to educational resources and supportive parents. I just want to know if there's someone in a similar situation because I'm barely hanging on.

Yolk15

Girlnumber3
Hey- I really empathise with you, and I'm sure to some degree other people do too.
I go through mental health struggles (medicated and several support workers) and hate that I always fall back into the habit into not doing any work, even though I really want to. Even with all the external support I have, I do feel tired and isolated. I'm sorry I don't have any good advice- one of the few things that does actually help for me though is finding other things that made school less significant. That means work, volunteering and doing lots of hobbies- essentially keeping myself too busy to fall into depression haha

Sometimes it feels like we need a 2 week vacation after 3 days, and other grand fantasies- unfortunately this fast paced world focuses too much on maximum productivity, and it burns out all out. Maybe you could change your subjects? That would help relieve some stress about having the same teachers, and help you find out what you want to do in uni.

Hope you take it one day at a time, and that all of this wasn't too cheezy 🧀- good luck out there!

BriMT

Girlnumber3

I've had times in my life where it's been like this for me. No energy to do anything, feeling terrible about it, always wanting to be perfect but falling far short. In year 9 I wasn't handing anything in (instead sitting around anxiously unhappy about not being productive etc.), really wasn't coping very well etc. 2 years later I broke the school record for highest study score. This was both from the same person because (despite what I thought at the time) it's not about being a "bad" person or anything like that. You're not going to be able to accurately predict the future from where you are now or "know" how others perceive you.

I hope that things ease up for you soon. For the record, I found that having other things in my life made academics easier, not harder.

TSE-Tuition

I'm so sorry you're not feeling well - mental illness is just as real as physical illness! Take it easy on yourself - you're not a failure, you're doing the best you can and sometimes that's gonna look like... not a lot on the outside, and that's ok!

I don't have any advice (and even if I do I'm really not qualified to give any), but I hope you have the energy today to go for a walk or enjoy some some sun.

Girlnumber3

TSE-Tuition thank you so much! i really wasn't expecting anyone to respond and i really appreciate you. i wrote this post on one of the bad days, but i'm feeling much better today. hope you're okay ❤️

Girlnumber3

Yolk15 thank you so much for your response, i teared up a bit whilst was reading your reply. it's easy to think i'm alone in all of this, but then there are these wonderful people (like you) online that have similar struggles. i'm going to work on finding a hobby and perhaps tweak a couple of subjects. i really appreciate your response and hope you're doing well.

TSE-Tuition

Girlnumber3 No worries! I'm glad it sounds like you've had some good days since. Keep taking care of yourself 🙂

Yolk15

Girlnumber3
No problem! have a good day : )