Eraser OKAY firstly, i can tell your vocab is very extensive. However, your usage of it is quite unnatural and/or unnecessary at times, like when you described pancakes as ‘luscious’, which obviously isnt wrong, but feels a bit too dramatic. It seems like you’re just trying to fill the entire writing with good vocab, which, yes, you are supposed to do, but try get a better understanding of words and in what contexts are they meant to be used. no offense btw. Secondly, your description of the whole morning was very lively and interesting, but it doesnt seem interesting enough i would say?? I was waiting for some conflicts but it was just him being confused at everything, with no conclusion as to why in the end. (sorry if my grammar is bad🥀) Moreover, I believe you couldve shown instead of told the reader about ‘the most important meeting of my life’, such as describing its significance to you or those around you instead of just telling us its important. The ending was confusing i would say. Its very out of the blue with no connection whatsoever to the information we were introduced to in the beginning. If something about revenge or an enemy(?) was mentioned, it would be less perplexing. Overall, I would give this a 15.5/20, its descriptive enough, but not that exciting. It doenst seem to link much to the topic as well, or maybe i might have just misunderstood the topic. Good job tho. Your writings are still better than my mineðŸ˜Once again, take everything i said with a grain of salt.ps. you used ‘tenacious’ twice and i wouldnt recommend repeating vocab in the test.
