Becoming A Wildcard (VCE Journal)

lucas

Yo I'm Lucas I'm a Year 12 student in Victoria and since it's my last year at school (cant lie get me outta here), I decided to pick the hardest subjects of all time (aside from physics) Specialist, methods, english, Chemistry and Biology. For the heavens above I regretted this decision so hard, don't get me wrong I enjoy these subjects but I'm just not 'smart' or 'good' enough in terms of my grades, if you want to know I'm just passing my classes so that says alot.

I've always been that type of person that's always tried but the things that hold me back such as doomscrolling, inferiority complex, carrying heavy burden and just my mental health in general( I might be insane in the head).

The reason I'm making this is because some people might relate to this post and I want to document my journey to either

Inspire or motivate
Show my mistakes and how I'm solving
3.Idk I'll figure something out

Another reason I'm making this is so people that either feel inferior or not good enough but who can be so much more hence the name 'Wildcard'.

About meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I like playing sports/gym like alot but never played professionally, I like anime(like alot) such as Blue Lock , Dragon Ball Z iykyk. I enjoy going to church and reading my Bible and I like playing games such as ULTRAKILL and Fortnite. I'm looking to score a 90+ ATAR but I don't think I'm getting there now but all I can do now is do better.

27/5/25

Had a Biology SAC and the 1st part of the Specialist SAC, Already I want God to struck me down, that was the worst thing I've ever done in my entirety of highschool, I've never felt so hopeless in my entire life. I genuinely feel like I've been given ps4 spider man treatment from both SACS and the 2nd part of the Specialist SAC tomorrow and we ready to get the Dragon Ball Z sound effect punch on my being like I want to die. As cliche as this sounds if I get a bad grade and oh my goodness, my parents might be asian but they're my favourite human beings and always have been there for me. I come home frustrated and pissed off. My mum asks how I went and I just said "tried my best' in a heartless tone and she responds with in Vietnamese " That's what make success so beautiful, the amount of failures you build will eventually mirror the success you will gain" which sat with me till now comforted me which means I might have to change my current identity into a new identity and have use the bad grades as motivation so we will see what the future holds for all of us and if you anyone has advices or questions, Imma try to stay active on this thread as much as possible.

i_need_mental_asylum

lucas hello lucas (i agree with u on the doomscrolling)

iza

lucas KUNIGAMI 😻

..

lucas bro I might do your subjects... but cl I'm also a massive procrastinator and probably will get deep fried if I do those subjects. But idk I jus feel like I got that dawg in me and that I can lock in.

You a massive inspo bro, also the mental health awareness is a w to bring up.

DEXZIDERRIYUM

lucas doomscrolling is actually my downfall, the only thing holding me back is my phone atp, but it's great to see you!

h3

lucas

Bro, I TOTALLY GET YOU. Sometimes it feels as tho I have all these things to do and despite me thinking I'm, "managing," them, I often get intense kind of headaches. It's like more of a kind of blunt-burning-sharp-throbbing feeling in my head (especially the forebrain) and it is so annoying and distressing. Any bad thought evokes a MILLION others and I just get lost in the spiral.

Hope your mental health gets better as well 😊

FH

looking forward to reading your journal! a 90+ is definitely do-able, and all the best 🙂

lucas

i_need_mental_asylum yeah doomscrolling is kinda inevitable at this point

lucas

iza He's my favourite character in Blue Lock (Im coping about his performance in NEL)

lucas

29/5/25

Final part of the Specialist SAC tomorrow and I know I failed it for sure so that means, gotta redo it most likely. I've been studying a whole heap lately for Specialist but it just seems not enough. But again as cliche as this sounds I have to strive to do better and accept and embrace the result so I can do much better. I recently bought a bunch of textbooks like the Jacaranda Specialist 3 and 4 Textbook and Methods 3 and 4 and the Cambridge Checkpoints so I can spam questions out of it.

Today I went to my therapist to talk about my current mental state as a factor of it is school, so I plan to take a week break from school to refresh my mind and no SACS are on that week so yeh, I don't know if it's a neat idea but lately I've been having thoughts about suicide. So I'm gonna speak about it here since it's a safe space. Don't hesitate to reach out to someone for sure, that's what I've learnt so far.

I plan during that week break just to get green with my subjects so I got a clear understanding of what next SACS are gonna look like and again spam questions.

It does really sting that I'm almost failing my classes this year as last year I was somewhat getting good grades. I might be exaggerating but I cry over a bad grade when I get home, the main issue I have is comparing myself to others. But I found a way to solve this issue. Funny enough I was reading Blue Lock and there was a panel where the MC(Isagi) was talking about talented learners and geniuses. He essentially says in order to win you must forge your own learning route rather than trying to be someone or worrying about someone. Isagi eventually lets go of his worries and I quote "sold his soul for victory" and had a breakthrough. (Holy yap) And yeah bye for now.

velvet

lucas yeah no the comparison stuff is so real. its so hard to just sit down and be happy with your scores as they are! and again, the mental health aspect is so real. one thing i've had to understand is that school isn't life-- there's a whole world outside of it, and our scores don't define us!
best of luck on your journey and you will get that 90 atar 😃

iza

lucas omg same

lucas

30/5/25

Finished most of my SACS this term so I guess I'm happy about now, went horrible as usual on the final part Specialist SAC. Just gotta keep moving forward and stay green. This weekend I plan to basically just fly with all calculus(Methods and specialist), organic chem and pathogens so yeah. How I'm feeling mentally, honestly shit but are surviving yes we are!. We ball that's basically it for today.Bye tomorrow I arise

lucas

31/5/25
Today I flew with calculus and pathogens and honestly that was so fun and understanding especially calculus. Today was actually somewhat a good day, I did roughly 5 hours of study including a 30 minute power nap(make you lock in like crazy).

Methods Calculus
Essentially just differentiation and derivatives. I had no problem doing these type of questions until I came across this horrid of a question and still I have no idea how to figure it out, I even asked the AI but there was no reason behind it but aside from that I'm gonna keep flying with calculus and practice more application type questions where that'll reach the sweet spot of understanding. Gonna cover integration with Specialist as well

Specialist Calculus
Again basically derivatives and differentiation. These were slightly more challenging as I had to second derivatives and can't lie these were pretty difficult when it came regular and inverse circular functions and inflection points but I did more questions on those and feel like I gain a good grasp of the difficulty. So I might practise more of those questions tomorrow as well as integration too and possibly some proof questions about differentiation just in case.

Biology
I did basically 1 exercise of the Second Line of Defence and there's so much to remember like neurophils, dendritic and phagocytes like are you kidding, I'm waiting for my Biology 3 and 4 Topic Test ATAR Notes to get here to do more questions, I'm trying to stay ahead of class so it will give me more time revise because the last two SACS for Bio, I got 66 and the other one I don't know and I doubt it was good. So I'm gonna try give myself more revision so I can finally reach top class (hopefully)

Mental Health
Somewhat ok at the moment, I just want to be better than I was yesterday which I reckon I did but at the same time I feel like didn't do enough (Idk if people are guilty of this too).

Quote
"You can make a flower bloom, you can admire it, but you can't tell the flower "I want you to understand me""
Imma try implement one quote from any of the shows or books I've watched at the end of each post 🙂

lucas

1/6/25
Wake up it's the first of the month, today not too bad of a day in terms of just studying, basically just been spamming differentiation questions, both methods and specialist. In total I think I did 3 or 4 hours of studying including a 30 minute nap despite not sleeping till 1AM which is messed. I'm gonna take 2 days off for the sake of my mental health, nothing much will be happening in those 2 days at school except one being a celebration day which I can't be fucked going to.

Methods Calculus
Been doing application type questions and there actually quite difficult but their very good in terms of question structures so it really gives you a major grasp of the topic. The SAC for methods is next term 1st week which is not good but I will get top marks, I've been super determined in my studies lately which made me hyperfocused and actually having fun studying. I'm gonna try maintain this feeling so I can be so much more than I already am currently.

Specialist Calculus
I'm learning implicit differentiation and I'm gonna do more tomorrow and integration for Specialist, The SAC I believe is the last week of this term or the 2nd week of next term. But so far so good with Specialist, I really like the questions where you have to use either both the product and chain or using the chain rule for more equations and using the chain rule and quotient rule, it's amusing and satisfying, gonna continue to fly.

Mental Health
As I said before, gonna try to recover for 2 days before coming back to school so yeah. I couldn't sleep last night because of literally overthinking for like 2 hours, drowning in my own thoughts.

Quote
"When a tree grows, it's roots must first spread to hell, before growing to heaven"

mhsbandar

lucas "When a tree grows, it's roots must first spread to hell, before growing to heaven"

w quote

lucas

2/06/25
Today, I just purely focused on calculus especially differentiation and derivatives for both Methods and Specialist, I also did a bit of Biology. In total around about 3 to 4 hours today just studying which is good, I'm getting greener with the differentiation a lot more but there's so much questions and applications too not to mention I haven't even touched integration like I said I would solely because there's just so many questions on derivatives and applications which I'm willing to finish so I can even get greener.

Mental Health
Tomorrow I'm taking the day off to do more studying for calc again obviously, pathogens and possibly chem idk. We'll see where it takes me but at the moment I feel great. I didn't drown in my thoughts like usually do, I just need to focus on the positives and persevere.

Quote
"Stop chasing butterflies, build your garden first"

idkwhattoput

lucas periodtt keep it up dude!

lucas

3/06/25
Literally nothing happened today, I said I would do more calc but ended playing games. I was procrastinating so hard. The only thing I could take away from this day was I actually felt relaxed and not stressed but that doesn't mean I'm gonna just quit so tomorrow I arise to meet my expectations and yeah that's it. I also think that it's important to take a day to yourself and just enjoy what you have before getting back into schedule as well. (It's an excuse)

ash73

lucas how is gat exam prep going?

lucas

ash73 haven't even touch a practice gat

ash73

lucas u got Ts sigma!

lucas

4/06/25
Good thing, things did happen today around 3 hours of study of calculus again. The puzzles are lowkey falling into place with Methods and Specialist which is amazing, I got my Specialist SAC back and somehow I passed which I'm still very upset about, even thinking about it pisses me off but anyway tomorrow I'm primarily gonna focus on the science subjects such as Biology and Chemistry so that's good but with the Maths, I'm actually having so much fun doing them like it's becoming a hobby at this point. By the time I wrote this I'm doing biology so I can stay ahead of class and prep for the next bio SAC which I'm determined to get a good result out of.
Mental Health
Felt ok, almost had a panic attack for some reason at school, it doesn't sit right when I just passed the Specialist SAC. But so far I'm doing decent, hope everyone is going well on their vce journey (honestly might have a read at some other journals on here)

Quote
"Become a formula that can be repeated"