Late VCE journal from aspiring journo

Anonymous2007

Oh no, I hope you get better soon, sweetheart. Don’t overwork yourself rest up and you’ll feel better soon. You’re doing great so far and I’m so happy for you!! The end is near we’ll be done soon!

marshmallow

Been lying low for a while, I've been trying to evaporate from the world and recover from burnout.
In the end I did not end up doing the SAC. I will have to do it the second Term 3 starts. My teacher said I was too unwell to do it. I begged him to let me, but he refused. In the end I started crying so much he had to drive me home in his car. Also under his orders he told me not to come to school for half the last week for Term 2.

Anyway this is day 3 of not vomiting my food so I'm doing well. I've been trying to be active and go outside daily and I think this is something I will continue long after the holidays. The New Year Resolution this year was to be active and lose weight, which is a I swear a universally held goal but that only lasted 2 days for me. So I am going to try start it up, maybe not to lose weight anymore but to keep myself in a good mental state.

I am also going interstate to travel for a bit which will probably help me forget about things. I am trying my best to forget about school a little and the SACs coming up in my first week back which is not easy😱
I don't think 2 weeks is enough to make me fully feel better, but 2 weeks is better than no weeks. For now, I will not touch my homework. These 2 weeks will all be about recovery. I need this time to feel myself again. I had no idea Yr 12 would be this hard. The plan this year was to keep working at it without crashing, tho evidently this backfired.
Unit 3 has been very full on but the worst is yet to come in Unit 4. And the exams too...anyways this is me overthinking again😫😫😫 I will update on my progress when I feel better.

marshmallow

asianasen
i hopeeee😭😭
ty tho!!

marshmallow

Sup guys!! Still not feeling back to normal but this is the best I've been. I don't throw up and cry constantly so life is slowly improving. Disappearing interstate to the middle of nowhere has done me some good 👍

Now I've kinda snapped out of my depressive state I've realised I've got a buttload of holiday homework I haven't done. Since I also missed a SAC last term, I'm pretty sure I've got a total of around 3 SACs in the first two weeks. Stuff like this really isn't helping my mental state. But it can't be too bad, I know for a fact plenty of people in my class are in the same boat with holiday homework. I just gotta be careful not to overwork again otherwise I'll be back to square 1.

Unit 4, I hate this but I think I will have to go easy, and probably my marks will drop but I will do anything not to burn out ever again. I've had to decline 4 18th parties, 2 of them for my best friends which sucks, but I desperately need to fix my life.
At this point whatever, I just want to graduate mentally stable, so you gotta do what you gotta do. I'll update soon after the first week, just watch me say I'll take it easy but then crash out again. See yaaaa✨✨✨

marshmallow

Been a bit quiet here. Still get panic attacks before school, the first two days were so bad I almost threw up again. But once I show up things usually work out. It's taking a while to get used to seeing and talking to so many people.
I'm studying at a slower pace and I am behind on homework (around 4 weeks behind in Japanese💀) but I'll work it out somehow. Have a English SAC and Lit SAC next week, Psych the week after. Hate having to beg my teachers for extensions but I need them SO BAD.
The flu is going around my school, and I'm also starting to feel it coming...I'm just waiting for the full sickness to hit me again. I can't miss any more school, my attendance is struggling so I will try hang in there😨😨😨

velvet

marshmallow asking teachers for extensions is actual hell. also the panic attacks before school is so real unfortunately 🙁
make sure to take breaks and and remember that your mental + physical health is more important than school!! altho i admit i can forget this too bc how much is stressed upon us, in reality we can't get that 99.95 if we're dead, right?
i hope things get better for you and have a lovely day 🙂

marshmallow

velvet
omg tysm! so glad to hear im not alone, tho seriously, it sucks we're both feeling like this, and you're not even in yr 12!!😥
good luck & wishing all the best for you too!

marshmallow

Hate having to flood this journal constantly with negative posts but I can't help it lmao😭😭😭
I finished my English SAC this week and I reckon it should get me at least 70%, not what I want but at this point whatever. I was actually so nervous I was feeling really sick before but when I entered the room I freaked out so bad I forgot I was sick lol...hope I feel better prepared when exams roll around.
Lit SAC due this week, and it has been the source of worry for the past couple days, and the source of extreme distress for the past 5 hours. I cried in class but thankfully only my friends noticed. I just feel like a lot is hitting me at the moment.
Anyways teachers have constantly been saying 'it's almost the end of the year' so much it is really starting to sink in. I am happy, maybe a little sad, but I dont really know, I'm just so exhausted idk what to feel. All sorts of career/pathway stuff going on these days but I feel no excitement or fear whatsoever, just walking around school like a ghost. G'night👻

ash73

marshmallow I hope things turn to get better for you! Hang in there and use all the energy you have! There's only few months left! You made it this far, and you have big break coming up! Wish you the best!

marshmallow

Ok ok recently my life has been beginning to turn around! Got 100%, the highest in my cohort for my English SAC. Also my predicted ATAR range came out...and it was a lot higher than I thought. I might reveal it later when I'm in the mood
This week is full on, got 2 SACs, General Maths and Psych. Not prepared but the ATAR prediction has got me on a high rn, it's really only a prediction but I feel like I hit the lotto and I am using it to fuel me🔥🔥🔥 Hopefully I dont take this good news too far and burn out again lol or slack off too much (very possible). After this week I got Lit then English SACs, and omg those two I have done no work for.
Ik the exams are coming up, all the important shit is coming up but holy moly sometimes I swear time literally stops like it can't just be me feeling like this
Anyways catch me saying the opposite in October💀 See ya

Anonymous2007

marshmallow

Congratssss for getting the highest!!

marshmallow

Anonymous2007
tyyyyy <3
how u going these days

Anonymous2007

marshmallow

No worries!!!

I’m doing okay, I guess the workload is getting crazyyyyy, and I’m in constant stress 😭 But then I remind myself to use the coping strategies we learned in psych hahaha. Next week I’ll be having SACs back to back, though… lowkey sad that we’re finishing soon, or is that just me, hahaha?

How have you been?!?!

marshmallow

Anonymous2007
dude im just trying not to die lol the psych coping strategies r nonexistent rn
yea good luck w those SACs...how many u got left?? I still got 7 🙁((
ig im a bit sad to leave but i rlly need a solid break from all this work like lowkey want a gap year badly...do u think u'll take a gap year?

Anonymous2007

marshmallow

Hahaha no fr schools just been so stressful ugh
We have 6 SACs left... how many do you have left for psych?? I really want to take a gap year, but I don’t think my parents would let me… but i want a gap yearrrr 😭

marshmallow

Anonymous2007
I got just 1 left hbu? Also have u done ur VTAC applications yet? Like I'm so lost lmao

Anonymous2007

marshmallow

we got 2 left for psych

yess ive started it but i dont have my 8 preferences yet since uhm im unsure of what i want to study... like i only have 2 preferences lmaoo

Have u started putting up ur preferences??

marshmallow

Anonymous2007
bro same I got 3 tbh I cant think of 8
what & where u thinking of doing?

Anonymous2007

marshmallow

I want to study oral health and honestly Melbourne uni sounds like a fun uni to attend or like I want to study maybe optometry idk tho I'm still thinking about it

How about you what uni do u want to go to??

marshmallow

Anonymous2007
WOAH oral health ??? that sounds good
I'm thinking Melb uni or RMIT, but I'm just gonna let my ATAR decide for me lol
imagine if we both got into Melb uni😆

Anonymous2007

marshmallow

Yeah I want to study oral health but then people are like it's not a good idea...
Hahahaha that would be so funny tho but no fr atp I'll just have to wait till my ATAR comes out so I can choose a course to study in uni.

Bro my ATAR tho isn't looking good... I can sense the disappointment omg I'm so scared for ATAR release day.... 😭😭😭😭

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