yall can you rate my narrative please (out of 20 if possible) and give me tips on what to improve. the prompt was a picture of a little girl looking through a camera, with grass in the background.
'Now, now! Students! You must take a photo of each item on your checklist and hand them to me at the end of the day. This counts for fifty percent of your overall mark. Be sure not to venture off by yourself from the group. These forests can be very dangerous!'
Maya had been an avid photographer ever since she was gifted a digital camera when she was five. She would carry it around with her everywhere she went, taking photos of anything that caught her eye. Now, in her final year of high school, she was taking photography as a subject. Today, she was out in the Ferntree Forest with her class, taking photographs for her final assessment.
As she sauntered on the forest floor, the leaves beneath her crunched like chips under her teeth. A cool zephyr flowed through the forest, making the trees sway like they were ballroom dancing. She spotted a bird nestled among the branches of a tree. 'Aha, that's the first thing on my checklist!' she thought.
As she pulled the camera up to her eyes, an arrow blocked her view. Perplexed, she wiped the camera lens with her shirt before pulling it back to her eyes. It was still there. ' What could these directions mean?' she whispered to herself. 'Maybe I should follow them?' And so she set out following the faint arrows, peering through her lens.
She walked deeper into the forest. With each step she took, the chatter of her class died out. The branches became thicker and the path narrowed, only wide enough for her to fit through. As she reached an opening, the arrows in her lens pointed directly at a little figure in the distance. It was her. Many years ago. She creeped closer, watching herself chase a butterfly, waiting for it to land on a ruby red rose bush. As it settled, she took a photo of it.
'Mummy! Look at this photo I took! It's a pretty butterfly!'
'Wow, Maya! It's beautiful!'
Maya watched from the distance as her younger self rushed about taking photos of anything and everything. Nostalgia and warmth emanated from her chest as she watched her younger self. Her passion for photography had blossomed from this fervent child. And, it would only continue to grow.
