2024 Yr 8's hoping to get in a selective school

MMHS

TryingForMHS
like a tutoring place

Ronaldo

hey could someone read this essay and see if its good or bad
SHOULD THE GOOGLE STREET CAR STOP BEING USED
The google street car is an advanced piece of technology that unlocks all pinpoints on earth however, it could be held for a greater purpose than giving home locations and where the McDonalds down the street is. This stunning piece of tech can be used for a vast space of opportunities such as Law Enforcement.

Firstly, The Google car can and should be used to give assistance to law enforcement or city councils to tackle down many barriers that creates a bad city. The google street car has a camera and while it uses it to record locations it could also be used to record crimes such as destruction of property/vandalism. This crime can be seen as spray painting shops or "egging a house" and a very common but unheard one is changing your property without a permit. The street car has the ability to record all these crimes and without it will just deteriorate the name of the neighbourhood.
Secondly, While the city/local council may seem like it has all the resources in the world it doesn't this is due to a common misconception being that every government whether it be federal, state, or local in reality the only government that has a wide variety of resources is the state and federal government due to most money of the taxpayers going to them and while people say "Blood is thicker than water" that is not the case for the government on top of the food chain.
Additionally, the street car can record from all angles so if an illegal drug deal is going on it can record it and these crimes can be as safe as stealing a 5 dollar note from the ground all the way to a drug ring. Since the street car only overlooks houses in neighbourhoods the government has been missing out on using it for alley ways, abandoned shops that aren't on the cars usual route and even inside of shops while just driving by.

Some may state that it is an invasion of privacy, however if someone were to coerce your child to an illegal activity and the cops had no way of finding out but word was out on the street your reputation would be ruined and what if the child decided to kill someone it wouldn't be an invasion of privacy it would be a murder and that is the reason why the google street car shouldn't be seen as something nosy and up in your business it should be seen as a revolutionary tool that can help elevate your city/suburb to the best it can be.

The google street car can help law enforcement and who would not want to be safe that is why we should use the google street car for our safety and we should use it now!.

PS: I was timed for this and i planned for three minutes wrote it in fifteen and used two minutes to correct spelling mistakes

transportbelt

Ronaldo work on your grammar brother, especially capital letters and commas. ask chatgpt for specific problems with your grammar and try to work through them.

Tas

Ronaldo pretty good. try using "to begin with" and "in addition" etc. but try not to use firstly or secondly

mhs-grinder

Ronaldo It is terrific but incorporate a collocation at the start of your sentence such as: 'The Google Street car is a new cutting-edge and innovative technology...' This could furthermore engage the readers and ameliorate your essay. Moreover, your paragraphs are mostly clear but some sentences could be broken into two or even removed since it can create a sense of confusion and interruption of flow in your sentence. Improving this will result in a smooth text that is fluent. In the time limit present, the essay is poignant although strengthening the conclusion can provide readers with a good note to lave with. This can strengthen and improve your marks in the test.

MMHS

80% rating. Pretty good

MMHS

i think the real topic will be bit more broad i hope

mhs-grinder

Ronaldo u can only bring 2 black or blue pencils in a zip lock bag with a clear plastic water bottle and maybe a pencil into the exam itself, mole phones have to be completely switched off not on silent. Also calculators and any other for of electronic devices re not allowed. Students may bring an analogue watch to keep track of time by themselves although no smart watches are allowed. so ye, hope that helps and gl, 🙂

AverageMultiChoiceTest

mhs-grinder Does anybody know whether white-out is allowed or not. What happens if you make a mistake on the answer sheet if it isn't allowed.

MMHS

mhs-grinder mate his essay is not poignant man, there was no need for you to say that, even when you shared your essay, you were using good vocab, but again, too over the top, examiners don't want to look only for good vocab, but for the flow of the sentences, bruh "collocation" like its only a discussion man. no offense or anything but what you do currently translates to your own writing and I'm sure, you wont come up with all these words in the 20 min time limit for each so for you instead of focusing solely on vocab, improve your flow and meaningfulness of your work. (again no offense but when you say it like that it comes across as vain and servile)

Ronaldo

mhs-grinder poignant means sadness or smth like that uk that right also it couldnt be poignant bc it talks about why google street cars should be given to our government

mhs-grinder

MMHS nahh ur right my fault i fkd up there

mhs-grinder

MMHS i was nt trying to say it lie that i thought poignant meant nice or smthand collacation is js a technique to use its not a high vocab word

ATAR

MMHS fax tho

Ronaldo

AverageMultiChoiceTest i reckon it is bc it isnt prohibited on their website

MMHS

Ronaldo maybe ur right, but im not sure

MMHS

no it isn't i remember reading somewhere on the website it wasn't allowed, unless I'm mistaken

AverageMultiChoiceTest

If it isn't what am I meant to do if decide the answer is b instead of e and stuff like that?

Ronaldo

AverageMultiChoiceTest u could just bring those pens that have those round rubbers attached on them

Melona ⭐

AverageMultiChoiceTest Ahh please don't use the pen with a rubber, the erasable one
The pen ink disappears in heat/through friction.. if left in a hot place like under the sun or heater, the work will disappear

Even if it's unlikely that it will be affected, you never know where the tests will go and if everything disappears it'd be terrible
Also, another hot place where the pen will disappear is in a photocopier, so if they decide to put it in one, everything gone

AverageMultiChoiceTest

Ronaldo ah ok

Melona ⭐

Is a digital watch allowed? Not a smart watch but a digital one, since I don't have any other one.
If not I'll have to go buy one 😭

And for those asking how to change an answer, they'll show on the day. But you just cross it out and shade your new one
To change a second time you shade and circle the new one

It was like this last year, and this answer was released by acer

Ronaldo

Melona ⭐ yes u can use a digital watch

TryingforSCHS

Hey guys, I wrote a persuasive text in 17 mins. I'm going to type it and you guys let me know what I could improve on.

Drunk people should be imprisoned on the first offence (persuasive)

Just imagine you were peacefully driving on the freeway and then out of the blue, you got in a horrific car crash and you have issues for the rest of your life all because someone was drink driving. This is a massive ongoing issue which is why drunk drivers should be imprisoned on their first offence because this law will finally intimidate them to drive soberly, there will be a reduced amount of traffic accidents and people in general will be safer.

Firstly, if drunk drivers get imprisoned on their first offence, they will be scared to drink drive in the first place. Statistics show that drink driving rates are skyrocketing which begs the question, why is this happening? This mainly happening due to the fact that the current law is not intimidating at all, and people feel as if they can get away with drunk driving with only a small fine. This mindset can only be altered by imprisoning drunk drivers on their first offence. Furthermore, if you were placed in the shoes of a person who decides that they want to drink drive, would you do it if the stakes were so high and you could be placed behind bars if you were caught? I don't think so but since the consequences are so diminutive for a crime this bad, they don't care if they have to pay such a small fine. This just shows that drunk drivers must be punished severely even on their first offence to prevent major mishaps.

Secondly, people should be arrested and placed behind bars on their first drunk driving charge so there are way less accidents. A chief of police has revealed that loads of fatal car accidents are caused by people under the influence of alcohol. If we place drunk drivers behind bars, we will have way less loss of life on the roads. Studies conducted by some of the best fatal accident researchers have shown that if there were no drunk drivers on the road, the death rate caused by car accidents would absolutely plummet. If we implement this, no innocent civilian will have to pass away just because someone else was being irresponsible.

Some people may argue that it would be too harsh and cruel to imprison drunk driving on their first offence. However, this is totally wrong as people are losing lives just because some people decided to drive while under the influence which is a decision mainly decided by choice.

To sum up, drunk drivers must be imprisoned even on their first offence because people will finally be intimidated by the law, there will be less car accidents, and everyone can just overall be safe. If this law is put into place, we will be living in a peaceful world where we do not have to worry about fools who make the wrong choice and put people's lives in danger.

Ronaldo

TryingforSCHS great piece solid 8/10 but work on flow and when u say statistics use numbers like percentages as it shows u have done heavy research on the topic and add a little more emotive appeal to create guilt for the people that drink and i reckon with those added your marks will improve and for your rebuttal include a little more sentences

MMHS

TryingforSCHS yeah solid 7-8/10, gotta say there are many good things to take out of this, first of all, nice intro where you weaved your arguments in a sophisticated way, nice choice of vocab, not too over the top as this can be overriding, strong arguments although try not to be too repetitive, and nice conclusion. So, first of all, try not to give evidence or anecdotal quotes unless you are 100% sure about them, also, try to extent the rebuttal a bit as it is a bit bland and not even with the length of your other arguments, also, i mean you could use some better words for example "which begs the questions", you could say engenders the question which basically means to make something come up (like the thought of it in this context). Overall great effort, with more tweaking this should be aa or sup

Melona ⭐

TryingforSCHS I'd replace firstly and secondly, there are lots of different starters you could use in replacement
Furthermore, to begin with, etc
Rebuttal could be extended, as it's super short right now

It's great for 17 minutes and well written! Just some things you could elevate to make it better

meowmeow:)

TryingforSCHS Your writing is really good however make sure not to use you or we because you'll get marks off. persuasive should always be formal meaning no slangs, contractions (don't must be do not, coudn't must be could not) and it has to be third person too. for creative you can do first person.

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