Victorian Selective Entry High Schools 2024 - Results!

a Nah idk this is my first time marking someone.

@din you have 5 ENTIRE MINUTES just to plan your single piece, not including the 30 mins of writing time. You can use this to your advantage to create a theme and solid plot line.

.. also did u get macrob

a oh sorry i didnt read yours before posting thats mb but thanks

mhsbandar nah sorry i didn’t mean to say u were copying my point or smth lollll

mhsbandar tysm for ur feedback

mhsbandar Well first off both stories sound really good, its definitely a close standard to what is needed for superior in writing, dw the time management will get better over practice. I don't have much criticism to give but here are some areas I think need working.

Narrative: The plot point about the grandpa could have been introduced in a small line at the beginning, as in the middle feels a bit sudden. like right after he woke up he could say "man commercial planes have really changed over the decades, my grandpa used to tell me all the intricacies of the flying beauties he flown, sad that he's past now". Or how his grandpa was a airline fanatic idk. You could have also not specified what the flight attendant realised, like more show not tell.

persuasive: Could have gone more specific as too why dignity is a human right, like what dignity is and its importance in our lives. Also in the third paragraph you could have named the financial and emotional burden of the loved ones of the patient.

a I'm a male I go SCHS, I got in year 10 entry with 4 sup and 1 above average(top 20%)

My above average was writing Probably because I didn't do a single proper practice essay

MHS successful candidate yeah, I normally just use "In a matter of opinion it is strongly advised that..." But it might be too many words cl. Good that you spotted that!

din refrain from using a lot of dialogue, and focus more on description while also carrying the plot onwards, a really cliche term but it's really important in writing - 'show not tell'
great vocabulary choice, but do not use such figurative descriptions of the character's actions, try to make it like from 'her mum screamed back in reply' to a 'the booming voice of the mother reverberated in the lounge, the reply rebounding off every wall, kindling the fury of ami' then from 'ami ran out the front door in rage', you could try 'as the voice echoed in her head, a loud slam silenced the adversary hypnotizing.'

asianasen The resounding sound of the vocab used echoed in my brain, unable to comprehend the convoluted use of vocab

MHS successful candidate damn i would recommend to probably get a better understanding of the vocab, and try to apply them in narratives as much as possible for the people who are struggling w/ writing
read more books to better construct a complete narrative in your head when doing tests (when given a prompt), as you can understand styles of authors (autuer) and what vocab they use, because major authors normally write a similar genre-based book, so find words of good phrases to copy down and then use if the given narrative prompt is revolving around it, that's what I'll give for narrative construction and vocabulary usage

asianasen i was just kidding, understood what u said, i was js giving an example or atleast i tried for "show not tell."

asianasen oh ok thanks

MHS successful candidate yeh ik, js for the people out there who is struggling w/ writing

asianasen k

Dosanjh (NHS) whats so funny mate