Victorian Selective Entry High Schools 2024 - Results!

hey can everyone please rate my writing and tell me which grade it will get is sehs. I am currently in yr 8 and in Glen Waverly secondary. Can you also please give deatiled feedback if possible. Thank you.
title: You are locked in a room that says: DO NOT OPEN
I blinked open my eyes. I spun around, scrutinizing every inch of the room, which apparently had no door. I was simply locked in.
At the very corner of my eye, I saw a small wooden box. It was full of moss and covered in cobwebs. I carefully tipped forward and blew on the box to get rid of the dust. The box had giant, dark red letters scrawled across it:

"DO NOT OPEN!"

My mind was spinning. I pondered whether I should open the box. My thoughts inched closer and closer to temptation. A quote surfaced in my mind:

"Curiosity isn’t a sin, but caution should always come first."

But at that moment, my body didn’t care. I pounded forward and thrust open the great, heavy lid.

Immediately, I started coughing. Dust billowed out like smoke, swirling around me like the aftermath of a meteor crash. I waved my hands, trying to clear the air.

"There is nothing in this stupid box," I thought savagely and turned away.

I was stuck. Forever.

I curled up on the cold, hard ground, hoping this was all just a nightmare. Just as I was drifting off…

A raspy voice creaked, "Leave this place now!"

I jerked awake, my eyes darting frantically around the room.

"I was probably dreaming," I thought, hopefully.

Suddenly, another voice cackled maniacally and whispered, "No, stay. You are trapped, and there is nothing you can do about it."

I froze. My pupils widened in horror. My heart slammed against my ribs.

"Go to the box," a hoarse voice choked out.

I bolted towards it. My hands trembled as I lifted the lid once more—and to my bemusement, a small trapdoor lay hidden inside.

Without thinking, I flung it open and scrambled inside, crawling desperately through the narrow tunnel. My breath came in ragged gasps. The walls were cold, damp, and suffocating, but I kept pushing forward.

And then—light.

I burst outside, gasping for air. My legs wobbled as I stood up, and I instinctively turned back toward the place I had just escaped from.

It wasn’t a room. It wasn’t even a box.

It was a massive steel container.

Etched across the surface in bold, eerie letters were the words:

"SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENTS."

Messithegoat1234 maybe turn ur sentences into paragraphs by like combining them I guess, atleast like 5 paragraphs should be good. Rather than saying how u felt maybe u could "show" like instead of saying my legs wobbled u could say smth like, "my legs were noodles" and instead of the person escaping, maybe he could stay trappe. for increased tension.

a ty

.. thanks for the feedback, this clarifies a lot of things i was confused about

MHS successful candidate so should i use "I firmly" or "I staunchly"

mhsbandar dont use "I" js say ur statment

asianasen tysm

din alg! js lemme know if u have any more questions

MHS successful candidate oh ok thanks for that
just to clarify: instead of a sentence saying "I strongly/firmly/staunchly believe that dogs should not be kept on leashes," i should just say "dogs should not be kept on leashes"

mhsbandar yes

Dosanjh (NHS) nothing much, jus people giving suggestions to other people's writing.

.. Oh ok tysm

do u guys have any creative writing prompts for me to use pls

Messithegoat1234

you are doing too uch telling . Do showing the actions and emotions

I need acces @MauryanBroski

asianasen thank you so much i just want to see what qualilty of writing is needed yk what i mean

.. hey can u share more of ur experience with year 10 entry like if u went to tuition and how u practiced?

sorry guys i wasnt active for so long here is my essay

The perennial debate continues; regarding whether the Government should endorse having only four days of a school a week. What will this change benefit? Having one less day of school significantly improves carbon footprint and improves student’s mental health. Picture this: One less day our life does not revolve around hectic work schedules can benefit us in so many ways even the environment.
To begin with, one of the most significant impacts on our environment is the transport-related carbon emissions. By having one less day of school, we would eliminate transport-induced gases released into our atmosphere by twenty percent. Not only that but also having one less day can help us reduce electricity usage and therefore fostering a more healthier world.
Furthermore, having one less day of school can be beneficial for their mental health. Students now can spend more time continuing activities that can’t be completed because of vigorous school hours. Schools bring unwanted stress and one less day may also help them focus more.
However, schools offer an environment for socialising. When socialising with others, students feel more boisterous rather than staying at home. But this perspective is not at all accurate. Schools are the focal point for bullying and can cause many to feel unsafe in what should be a learning environment.
In summary, schools should reduce by one day which will foster a more well rounded learning environment and a healthier atmosphere.

Sierra its solid dont get me wrong but not infallible. here are a couple things i would change

1. the introduction lacks some context, its almost like jumping straight into the argument. i would open up with a statistic or just a general statement introducing the topic.

2. In the 4th paragraph you sorta argued for the opposing side which is something you definitely don't want to do. It weakens your argument while giving the opposition an advantage.

3. Your paragraphs are not bad, but I would use a linking sentence at the end of each one restating my argument.

4. The conclusion is just a sentence, I would restate all of my arguments (dont introduce any new points) and end with a powerful sentence to leave an impression on the reader.

Overall its pretty good, just some minor flaws and its a bit short, in the exam u should expect to write a little bit more. lol but im no expert so take it with a grain of salt