Dosanjh (NHS) you don't know that for sure unless you actually get a superior on the test so...
Victorian Selective Entry High Schools 2024 - Results!
MMHS no one can say if there good or not unless they have done the test and got a good score for example someone like you could say he is good at writing and @Dosanjh (NHS) you also said dont get overconfident remember???
i might be able to pull up an old written essay also, idk, i js need a prompt
for the sehs exam, you need all rounded (good) scores, if you get all above averages and/or above, it is guaranteed for you to receive an offer, cuz writing and verbal is what they are looking for the most in the test, numerical also
js realised its already feb
but just do good and you get in trust
chxin Sry I didn't mean to glaze
chxin NOOO ALREADY
ok so its lowk rlly bad so pls dont judge, i js need feedback, the prompt was a girl sitting on a chair and looking at a computer.
“Game over! Seriously! Again?” thought Ami furiously. She had been clicking the same few buttons for the past few hours and she kept hearing the same robotic voice at the end of it.
Ami dawdled downstairs to get some water, when her mum appeared out of nowhere. “Ami, do your chores!” She yelled. “Later.” Ami mumbled back. “Watch that attitude!” her mum screamed back in reply. Ami ran out the front door in rage, when could she be an adult and make her own choices and before she knew it she was in a whole other world.
“Where am I?” Ami said, a tint of fear in her voice. “Welcome to Ghost Chasers: Grown Edition.” Spoke a mysterious voice “Heh, that’s not a thing.” Ami chuckled in reply. “Oh, yes it is, “ The voice replied in an eerie tone, “follow the purple trail along to the adult store.” Ami strolled along the path, her curiousity guiding her further into this mysterious place.
“Welcome to the adult store.” the voice startled her this time. Ami gazed around the place in awe. Everything she ever wanted was here. her favourite clothes, shoes, video games, everything! She grabbed at the first thing she saw and bought it with her credit card she mysteriously had in her pocket.
“I never want to leave!” Ami exclaimed with pure joy. She continued wandering down the trail and reached a club. Ami ran in excitement and sat at the bench, with every hint of fear assuaged by the music playing in the background. Ami got some fries from the ordering station. She was feeling the happiest she had felt in years, but it al came to a end, when a security guard escorted her out, apparently she ran out of credit.
Ami desperately wanted to go back to normal the second things begun to spin out of control.
After trying everything to escape this “adult word”, she realised she had to earn back the credit and get a job. This instantly made Ami grateful for everything she had, she realised she wasn’t ready to be an adult yet and she had finally made her peace with that.
Ami opened her eyes and she was in her house on her couch, she had never been more grateful to be home.
(its so bad now that i read over it again, so pls dont judge)
din def not an expert but it’s just my personal opinion. firstly, maybe you could elaborate more on how Ami got to the “whole other world” i think it was a bit too sudden and unlogical. the same goes for how she suddenly appeared back home. secondly, i think you could explain what “Ghost Chasers: Grown edition” is to the reader because it’s unclear, i assume it the computer game she was playing? thirdly, you could describe Ami’s feelings more in depth using similes, metaphors etc. , like the part where she “desperately wanted to go back to normal”. Instead of just saying what she wanted, you could let readers discover what Ami feels through describing her “inner world” or her dialogue instead of you narrating her feelings (i dont rlly know how to say it but it’s like the reader will be able tell what Ami wants through her words and thoughts??????? HELP IDK SORRY IDK WHAT IM YAPPING ABT
)I think this will definitely help the reader understand Ami’s state in a better way and show the schools you can use different methods to show emotions. and lastly, maybe you can describe how Ami felt during the security guard part, because right now it doesn’t seem like things were “out of control” at all, she was just getting escorted out, no shouting no chaos no struggling ykwim i’m NOT a writing expert so pls take everything with a grain of salt and in some parts where i explained them rlly bad pls don’t mind